Saturday, June 28, 2008

Maybe Tomorrow A Bullet May Find Me

My father was a huge politics junkie. I remember way back in 1956 being forced to watch the Democratic Convention that nominated Adlai Stevenson, We had a little black and white TV and he was glued to it for every spine tingling moment. I could have cared less because I already planned to vote for Howdy Doody, who not only shared my political leanings, but also had a cool scatological name.

As the years went by, Dad, a staunch FDR Democrat, tried to get all his progeny interested in voting and the importance of the person with the keys to the White House.

I was, as I am today, cynical. I say they are all a bunch of self serving bums who will say and do anything to get elected. I say they are more interested in their dog's anal warts than anything irritating the voters.
My father was consistent and insistent that the true reason to vote was the Supreme Court. The President gets to pick the successors and they stay in office for life. The Supreme Court could very well be the most powerful branch of the government.
OK Dad, rest in peace. I now get it. Yesterday, the Court, in a close vote, basically confirmed that Americans have the obligation to lock and load. The right to bear arms has been reaffirmed to be protected by the 2nd amendment of the Constitution, by gum.
So buy guns.
For the court to decided any other way would have caused a revolution, where militias would need to be well regulated all over again.
We almost had one a few weeks back when the same court decided Bush's private prisons in Gitmo had to give the inmates some other Constitutional rights. But the amendments regarding that decision have much higher numbers, like 6,7, and 8.
Most True Americans never read past #2.

McCain's court

So the point here is that Dad was 100% correct as usual. The next resident of the White House will likely choose the next Justice of the Supreme Court. Right now, the Court is kind of balanced. But if McCain gets elected, he will add someone that will probably allow the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Obama will do the opposite.

Forget all the other bullshit. Vote depending on how you feel about abortion. Case closed.

Barack's court

Meanwhile, I am beginning to flip-flop over who I think will win the election. McCain is SOOOO weak as a candidate, he puts everyone to sleep the minute he opens his mouth. And he is so white, he practically looks ghostly clear. Plus, he can't express himself very well as a speaker.

The surrogates who support him have a very hard time thinking of something to say so they just keep attacking Barry 24/7 which is getting kind of transparent and obvious.

Obama is on a hot dog roll, picking up endorsements and money enough to buy off Hillary Clinton. Plus he could sweet talk chocolate milk out of a white cow. And his wife, Michelle, aka "Blackie O." has captured the hearts of the ladies of The View. They were falling all over themselves like the 5 stoogettes to be the first to give the terrorist bump.

And let's not forget Oprah.

Meanwhile, poor Cindy gets accused of plagiarizing cookie recipes.

So unless some true American exercises his newly polished 2nd amendment rights, it looks like Obama will be the next king of Camelot.

NOTE TO READERS - we will be off the grid for the next few weeks as we are heading for an undisclosed location in the Pacific. Hint - it's leadership was recently installed as the result of a coup. If we are taken hostage, somebody call the Supreme Court.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I Am A Lineman For The County

Many moons ago, when I was a kid, my father and I were in a group called The Indian Guides. (Feather, not Slurpee) The organization was run under the umbrella of the YMCA. Maybe the Indian idea came from The Village People.

We would get together with other fathers and sons on a weekly evening and do arts and crafts, have snacks and an official meeting. I remember it as being wonderful.

My name was "Running Antelope" and my dad was "Running Bear". Today, I have been renamed "Smoking Pot"

One time, we all went to the mountains with all the other tribes for a campout. We got to sleep in cabins with bunk beds.

On the last night, there was a huge campfire and we were told to sit around it in a circle. Then a real Indian emerged from the shadows. Today I realize he was just some guy in a costume, but then, he was a real Indian.

He gave each kid a little piece of paper upon which was written the word "impatience" . He spoke with Apache dialect all about the evils of impatience and the virtues of patience. The we had to get up and roll the paper into a ball and toss it into the fire. He said we would not longer be inpatient.

I don't know about all that, but somehow, I have always been a very patient man.

So now we come to the present where we live in this neat house in Nelson. Everyone says we have the best view in town. The only drawback is that there are phone lines right thru the best part of the scenery. I checked into the city putting the wires underground, and they said we would have to pay over $10,000 to have it done. But they also said to be patient because it might be in the future plans for the entire street.

So we waited and lived very nicely with the telephone wires.

But hey, hey, hey. In January the city decided to improve the sewer pipes. Then they figured they might as well add a sweet footpath for all the tourists who walk up the hill to marvel at the view at sunset. Then they said they were going to widen and resurface the entire road.....and while they were at it, they would bury all the phone lines.

The work has been noisy, messy, and inconvient. But our patience has paid off and in a few weeks, the upgrade will be done, free of charge.


Friday, June 13, 2008

Living Just Enough For The City

Auckland - #5
How do you like your city?

Recently, an outfit called Mercer Consulting came up with their annual list of the Most Livable Cities in the World.

Mercer Human Resource Consulting, which provides advice to multinational companies on international assignments, has come up with a global ranking of the world's most livable cities based on 39 key quality-of-life issues.

Consultants rated each city on a variety of factors including the level of traffic congestion, air quality, and personal safety. Also included are political stability, currency-exchange regulations, political and media censorship, school quality, housing, the environment and public safety as reported by expatriates living in more than 600 cities worldwide.

Zurich, topped the list this year, followed by Geneva, and Vancouver and Vienna, which tied for third.

The highest-scoring U.S. city is Honolulu, which came in at No. 28.

Here are some notables:

Auckland - 5 (Most South Islanders think Auckland is too crowded and
never like to go there. On the other hand, Kimberly is
jonsing for a big city shopping spree)

Wellington - 12 (Like little San Francisco, minus the homeless)

San Francisco - 29 (Like Wellington, with weapons
and bums)

Portland - 46 (Good choice Rick, bad choice Josh)

Houston - 68 (Nice for Cindy and Larry)

Denver, Phoenix, San Diego, Tucson, Yakatut...not on the list.

Baghdad, once again at the bottom. It's hard to fathom why nearly 300,000 Americans have volunteered to live there.

The complete list:

Make of it what you will.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

The Pump Don't Work 'Cause The Vandals Took The Handles

Yesterday, the price of a barrel of oil soared to $139. If the truth be told, I really don't know exactly what that means. I never actually saw a barrel of oil. I usually purchase quarts of it in small plastic bottles for a few bucks at the petrol station. Kimberly gets it at the market in clear containers and it's even flavored. We are developing quite a penchant for olive. Virgin Olive, if you must know.

If someone offered me a barrel of oil for $139, that might be tempting. But where would I keep it and what if I knocked it over accidentally?

What a mess that would be.

But when the price of a barrel goes up, so does the cost of a gallon of gasoline. At least in most countries. People in the US and A are all bent out of shape because a gallon costs $3.50. There are not many who feel sorry for them as gas in America is relatively cheap. The World's highest is Sierra Leone: $18.42 per gallon

The lowest is Venezuela at 12 cents a gallon.

Why is W. throwing threats toward Hugo Chavez when he should be sending him flowers?

Here in New Zealand, we pay $2 a liter, which is 8 dollars a gallon. However, to be fair, when that is converted into US money, we are currently paying about 6.50 US per gal. But if we shop at specific grocery stores, we can get 4 cents off on a liter.

Whoop dee doo.

Scientists tell us there is a mammoth deposit of oil off the coast of the South Island. It will probably wind up being owned by Exxon. And there you go.

Back in the day, we had quite a bit of stock in Exxon. After the Valdez ran aground and all those little seals and birds and fishies got oily, we felt Exxon would take a dive. Our crack stock broker convinced us to trade for a new Disney stock that had "winner" written all over it. The stock was Euro Disney in Gay Paree, and we traded all our Exxon (and WalMart and Pepsi)for a ton of it.

While I was sitting back waiting for my millions to start pouring in, the cheese eating surrender monkeys decided that while they adored Jerry Lewis, Mickey Mouse was a rat. We Sacre-Blew it.

We lost everything, including our Nostradamus-like broker.

Meanwhile Exxon shot up like a Texas gusher.

Apparently, much oil comes from the Middle East. Saudi gas there costs 50 cents and our own little presidential chimp has a girlfriend in the Royal Family.

When he recently made a visit to grovel and beg his sweetie to lower the price. His lover spurned him and slammed the large gold and diamond encrusted door in his face. Then, on a quick visit to Israel he was given a lovely gift....

A Bicycle.

I wonder if he got the hint. They should have thrown in a bag of sharp edged matzoh pretzels for good measure.

The other day, Obama said we would have to rethink our love for SUVs and high heating bills. He was ridiculed by the Mr. Blusters of the media.
But he was probably correct.

When I was a lad, there was what was called a "gas war". Not to be confused with the War on Terror or the War on Drugs, this war actually was good for the citizens. Petrol prices kept going down to attract customers. At the lowest it was 19 cents...and a clean cut fellow in a freshly pressed uniform washed your windshield...and gave you a dinner plate. All with a smile.

Today, Americans pump their own, hope they don't get carjacked and have to walk in to the counter to pay some stupid pimple faced fat chick munching on a pop tart and reading a teen magazine. She couldn't find her ass with both hands and a flashlight, let alone a locate a squeegee and waddle out to your vehicle. If she knew how to smile, all she would reveal is her tobacco stained tooth. The chances that she even speaks English are fatter than Hilliary's calves.

That, my friends, is progress.

If I wasn't such a lazy bastard myself, I would think about buying a bike. Or maybe I could get one from the Israelites next time I fly over on my private jet. But we live on top of a hill and I could never ride it up. Kimberly would need to drive the car down and pick me up.

As Harry Callahan said, "A man's gotta know his limitations"

Mine are about NZ$2.50/liter. I've got nothing to worry about until probably December.

Then I go for my syphon.