Sunday, May 24, 2009

Slumdog Millionaires

By now, thanks to the media, a young Kiwi couple is being both hunted and haunted by the entire world. Just today, I got a link to this "story" from my shiftless brother, Barry, showing an article from the Denver Post, all the way over in America. Isn't that place having enough troubles of its own? What do they care about meaningless New Zealand trivia??

I feel it is my duty, as a fellow resident, to set the record straight regarding these completely innocent partners.

Yang and Gao in happier times

Last week, Mr. Leo Gao and his lovely mate, Miss Kara Yang decided to take a little holiday. Their home city of Rotorua on the North Island was experiencing inclement weather and an undisclosed location in Asia seemed like a nice alternative. They shut down their gas station, which wasn't doing all that well anyway. As a matter of fact, they recently filed for bankruptcy... and what better stress reliever than a vacation, I ask you?

Packing up Miss Yang's daughter Leena and sister Aroha, the intrepid pair took a little money from their back account, and LEGALLY left the country.

That should be the end of the tale.

But it doesn't work that way, sir. The media is a hungry beast and must be fed.

It turns out that Gao had a line of credit, or as he liked to call it, "A rine of cledit" for NZ$100,000. As far as I know, a rine of cledit means you can borrow that amount from the bank whenever you need it because you are an honest, hard-working, trustworthy good customer, as Gao was.

Some complete moron at their bank, Westpac (a bloody Aussie establishment), must have had too many Foster's for tea break because instead of depositing the 100K into Gao's account, she plunked in 10 million. The woman, a 30 year employee, is now receiving mental counseling paid for by Westpac to help her deal with the mistake and further prepare for her eventual sacking.

I don't know about you, but if I checked my accounts and saw I was a bit heavy in the cash department, I certainly wouldn't go narking to the bank. I would assume, being honest and trustworthy, they simply increased my rine of cledit to help carry me through these troubling times. Isn't that waht banks do? Help the customer?

So Yang and Geo go of to who knows where, (Interpol says Hong Kong)

Now all hell has broken loose. The Internet is abuzz, calling them thieves, and Bonnie and Crydes. Yang's mom, Sue Hurring, a hairdresser, swears her daughter is honest, but a little stupid. As far as her feelings toward Mr. Gao, she says, "Well, if you really want to know, I'd like to wring his blingin' neck." (Readers should note that "blingin'" is a term of endearment in Rotorua.)

Westpac officials are embarrassed, but steadfast. They have not lost the entire amount, merely about 4 million the couple withdrew for travel expenses. All the same, the bloodsucking Aussies want their last pound of flesh. The question is, "At what point would you quit bothering to look for your 4 million dollars?"
Having little faith in world police from CIA to KGB, they have employed their own independent bank investigator. They say he is fair minded, but doesn't have a sense of humor. Maybe you don't give a care about Yang and Gao, but my God, think of the children!!!!

There is little doubt that the vacationing couple have not realized they are being hunted. It is hard to enjoy a holiday when you heave to keep looking over your shoulder. The latest rumors hint that Gao has had to alter his appearance to hold onto some degree of privacy. The once handsome inscrutable young man now is said to look like this:

I say, leave Leo alone!


At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

now that you have creatively insulted all Asians throughout the world, cute defense of your Kiwi buddies. Miss you both - love robin

At 6:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your brother, Barry, is shiftless...who knew?

At 6:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 2:54 PM, Anonymous jenifer said...

hehe, i'm So out of the loop of the real news of NZ!

those bonnie and crydes have nothing on bad yoginis though.

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