I used to think the greatest "sideman" type job was Ed McMahon's on the Johnny Carson Show. Ed would just sit on the couch, stay awake and occasionally blurt out a "Hi -Yo". From that, he made millions and got to enjoy many brushes with greatness, not to mention the great Mr. Jerry Lewis (may he eventually rest in peace).
Ed had a good run, but must have been as stupid as he looked because he is currently in deep shit financially. His next appearance will be as a mumbling greeter at Trump Casino in Atlantic City. He will tell himself he is happy and lucky to be in the employ of Mr. The Donald.
Another sweet gig would be Tiger Wood's caddy, Steve Williams. This guy is the highest paid sportsman in New Zealand...and he doesn't even play anything. But he gets 10% of Woods' checks. And 10% of a gazillion is a kabillion. So he's got that going for him, which is nice.
But today, after watching Michael Phelps doggy paddle his way to his eighth gold medal, the new world's greatest sideman is his agent.
Phelps could be vice president if he so chooses. Either of the presumed candidates could use a true All American Hero on the ticket. Plus, he wins Michigan and has an extremely positive relationship with China. In addition, he is outside the beltway, not politics as usual from Mike. The only lobby we would need to worry about would be Speedo.
This Phelps has carte blanche and at ten percent, the agent will be signing him up to endorse everything in the world including Wheaties, McDonald's, Ben and Jerry's, Posturepedic Mattresses, and Ambien.
I just realized that although there are a few slight differences, Michael and I are a lot the same. See the following tale of the tape
body fat 8%
body fat 28%
(Choosing not to document shame, there will be no picture of the author wearing a Speedo. However, indeed, such a photo exists. Kimberly refuses to tell me where she hid it. She says if there are any brothers out there with some extra ching ching ching to spare, she is open to purchase offers.)
OK, maybe you can't see the similarity from those mere facts. However I just read all about his daily regimen. He eats 12,000 high fat calories, sleeps and swims.
I do believe I have a 67% Michael Phelps lifestyle going pretty smoothly.
Due to not wasting valuable endorsement time swimming, I have total availability
Agents may contact me by phone or email.
Operators are standing by.