He Took My Twenty Dollar Bill And Vanished In The Air

Much has been written about the filthy lucre, money, moolah, greenbacks. This post will be the definitive article to which future scholars will refer when they want to understand exchange rates and dollar values in the early 21st century.

In New Zealand, we have pretty cool looking cash. There are no pennies or nickels. Our coins are the 10c, 20c, 50c, $1, and 2$. The bills are $5, 10, 20, 50, and 100. They are different sizes and very colorful.

The thing is that all over the world, currencies are rated against the US dollar, so every hour, the value changes. When we got here the Kiwi dollar could be purchased for about 60 cents.

Back then, Our dollar was the strongest in the world. If you flashed a wad of Benjamins, the citizens of any other country would fall over themselves like the 3 Stooges to just have a peek.

That was then, this is now.

Our niece Debby has a high position in the Federal Reserve in New York. She makes very important decisions.

Recently, retired head, Alan Greenspan, wanted to change the the image on the 5 dollar bill from Abe Lincoln to Pamela Anderson. Deb explained that Pam was from Canada and convinced him to take a nap instead.

When he woke up, he raised interest rates.

Debby once tried to explain exchange rate theory to me, but after about 10 minutes, my eyes glazed over and my mind started to wander to thoughts of, believe it or not, Pam Anderson.

So I will explain the current problem with the weak US dollar in terms everyone can understand.

The US Dollar is Rocky Balboa. Adrian is America. Mr. T. is the Sudan Pound, Ivan Drago is the Euro. George Washington Duke is Cheney/Bush. Mason Dixon is Osama Bin Laden and Mickey, (Burgess Meredith) is Greenspan. Pam is the Canadian dollar.

Paulie is Fredo.

The fight takes place in Vegas where the Kiwi Dollar, portrayed by a young Rachel Hunter, is is the casino playing the nickel slots.

Rocky is in the arena taking care of business against all opponents. But he gets tired and tries to take on too many challengers at a time; he goes against the warnings of trainer Mickey.

His ego is pushed by the swagger of promoter, Duke.

He decides to fight an imaginary foe, Dixon. Nobody can defeat a non person. He goes down. Rocky is still being counted out. The referee is up to 81.. The fans boo and leave the arena, completely disenchanted with the former champ. They stream into the casino, laden with coins to gamble, bump into Rachel Hunter, causing her to pull the handle on her machine in such a way that it pays off the jackpot. Rachel's lap winds up full of money.

Pamela Anderson waltzes in and she and Rachel go up to the penthouse suite for some hot lesbian action.

Rocky finally staggers from the canvas only to be stuck with Talia Shire. They go to a cheap buffet where Rocky eats lightning and craps thunder. That night Adrian makes him sleep on the couch.

As of this morning, it costs nearly 80 cents to buy a Kiwi dollar.